“Well, how does it feel being 30?”
I’ve been asked that a couple of times over the past 2 1/2 weeks, and my answer is honest in its bewilderment: “It’s a little strange!” I don’t remember 20 or even 21 feeling quite this surreal. On the other hand, 20 and 21 were both a long time ago, so perhaps a faulty memory can be forgiven 😉
I resolved a couple of years ago that for my 30th birthday, I would dye my hair for the first time. Something about it sounded (to me) adventurous, glamorous, and womanly, as opposed to the number “30,” which sounds so much older and more austere than I actually feel. Dyeing my hair seemed like a great way to celebrate my birthday, something fun and exciting enough to stave off my existential dread over this particular birthday.
I know, I know, it probably sounds silly. “Age is just a number, right?” I’d ask myself. “Right,” I would answer back. And yet it still made me cringe…until last week, when I read the second chapter of Joy Clarkson’s new book, Aggressively Happy.
In the chapter “Flounder Well,” Joy talks about processing change, confusion, or the sense that our lives aren’t going the way we’d hoped or planned, in healthy and constructive ways. She describes an idea from improvisational theater, known as the “Yes, and” formula, and encourages her readers to invest in themselves physically, intellectually, and spiritually. It’s wonderful–I can’t recommend this chapter enough!
But in the section entitled “Don’t Be a Total Mess,” she also proposes something that proved quite radical for me:
“An adult is someone who is in charge of their life and who regards themself with the respect befitting that role. […] Being an adult doesn’t mean fitting into some predetermined box of how adults should live; it means relishing your role as queen (or king) of your life, creating a life of order and simplicity, which becomes a source of stability to others.” [emphasis mine]Joy Clarkson, “Aggressively Happy: A Realist’s Guide to Believing in the Goodness of Life”
Thinking of myself in such courageous, empowered terms does not come naturally to me. But this passage reminded me that I do have the power and agency to burn that “predetermined Adulthood Box,” to embrace my life as it is, and to make something beautiful out of it with the tools God has abundantly given me. Being “the queen of my life” doesn’t mean I’m self-indulgent, heedless or arrogant. It simply means that I can (and should!) “regard myself with the respect that the responsibility I take for my own life merits.” I am a person who matters, and the strength and dignity of that knowledge allows me to love and serve others in a healthy, confident way.
So, how does it feel to be 30? It’s still a little strange. But I’m holding my head higher this week, stepping forward in faith, and bringing more cosmos to the chaos of my own life.
That’s got to be a big step in the right direction.
P.S. And yes, I did dye my hair 😉
13 thoughts on “On Turning 30”
Happy birthday, Maribeth! Your hair looks so pretty! ❤
That's a great quote about adulthood–creating order and stability in your life (whatever that looks like for you), then helping provide stability for others. I feel very encouraged by that myself. Thank you for sharing!
You’re welcome! I’m really, REALLY enjoying that book. It’s made me both laugh and cry, which is always a really good sign to me that the book and its author are kind and empathetic.
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The problem with before and after photos is that the conditions are not usually exactly the same, but in this picture and with this lighting, the color is good for you – but I expected hot pink.
Funnily enough, someone said something like that to me just the other day: “What, Maribeth?! You didn’t choose hot pink?!” 😂
I’m looking for a temporary color that will wash out of white hair for SURE before I try pink for mine.
That is a wonderful quote! One I need to apply to my own life (even though, at twenty-three, I’m not at the same level of maturity lol). Your hair is beautiful!!
Aww, thank you!! I’m really enjoying my hair being just a few shades darker than normal. Anything more dramatic and it wouldn’t have felt like *me*, y’know?
And yes, isn’t that a good quote? I read that chapter a week ago now, yet I’m still thinking about it and feeling a little braver about my age thanks to its encouragement.
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A belated happy birthday, dear Maribeth!! Your hair is so cute! ❤
Thank you, friend!! ❤
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Happy birthday again! Being about to turn 32 in a couple of days, this did me good to read too, especially that first sentence of Joy’s quote. I sometimes fall into that trap of feeling like I don’t match up to what a Real Adult’s life is “supposed” to look like, but that quote is such a good, simple and fresh way to restore a proper perspective!
Hey, happy birthday, Maribeth!! 🙂 Great hair color choice, too!
I’ll be 30 soon as well… very mixed feelings but overall, gratitude (it’s good to be alive, isn’t it?!).
Happy belated birthday! I love your perspective on adulthood – I want to read Joy’s new book if the rest of it is like the quote you shared! Your fresh new hair color is beautiful ❤️. I hardly ever comment, but I read and enjoy your posts a lot. (By the way I wanted you to know that out of 100+ books I read last year, Operation Lionhearted was in my top ten 😍 Very much looking forward to your next book!)
Happy birthday! And your hair looks lovely! ❤